Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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