he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
