We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
