Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
