I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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