I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
