so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
