My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
