The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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