Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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