I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
