How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
