2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
