Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
