Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
