I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
tell me about the eggs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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