How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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