mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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