I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
