Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
