Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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