i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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