FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
