your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
