oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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