My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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