just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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