I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
how does that bad decision feel?
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