sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
