I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
