Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
