She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
