you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
