Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
