You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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