Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
