did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like eating out sand paper
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
