All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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