He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
