my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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