just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
