I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
