i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
