Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
