Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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