We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
