do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
