So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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