is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
