I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
