she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
