whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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