Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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