So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize