I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
