I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
