Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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