he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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