last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
