Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
