i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize