my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
