You just made me feel so damn special
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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