the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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