i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
