do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do vagina's smell?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
