i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
