went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
