My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Two words: blizzard sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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