Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she told me i tasted like america
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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