some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
