Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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