I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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